i wish
of our elders
I’m at my parents’ place spending some time with my dying father. He is frail as a leaf. This morning two Blue Care nurses turned up, funded by Australians’ taxes, and hauled him up the bed so hard they bashed his head against the headboard. When he is sleeping, which is much of the time, they sit with their hands folded. But today they tipped over from the useless to the dangerous.
Two days back on July 11th we passed what would have been the 100th birthday of former Prime Minister Gough Whitlam, who died in 2014. As Tanya Plibersek put it, he was a warrior for fairness. I was saddened to learn when he died that this elder statesman had spent the last months of his life living alone in a tiny room in an aged care facility, separated from his wife of nearly seventy years, Margaret. That even such respected and influential people are not allowed to live together once they are old and infirm shows us how urgently we need more compassion and common sense in this field of endeavour. Why is aged care so brutal and so lonely when it ought to be tender, humorous, concerted, and peopled with small children and teenagers, kittens and dogs? Elders, children, Indigenous communities, people with disabilities, and asylum seekers all have deep sources of insight the middle ground of our society has lost. You would think we would cherish them kindly out of sheer self interest, if we genuinely can’t muster the compassion to care about their wellbeing.
14 comments on “of our elders”
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So true!!
I know you know, Kevin. I mean I’ve only been doing this a few weeks and with live-in support; not years. Big respect, big big respect to you.
Yes…terrible
It’s so unkind to frail people at the far end of their lives. We’re a wealthy lot. Our country could be doing so much better.
It is terrible. I’m so sorry. Support workers are so overworked and underpaid. In the past four or so year, an enormous amount of money has been taken out of in-home support. They are casual and often work split shifts and have no time between driving. And there are not enough of them, so there is a waiting list to get any in-home support. It was better than this even three years ago when we required some. We had positive experiences with aged care for my mother, but it is a brutal system. The staff are so-overworked and underpaid and it is not like home. I still go and visit my friends at that aged care. I don’t think aged care or inhome services will exist for anyone but the very wealthy in the next 20 years.
Even for those who can afford it, it’s a brutal system. The mother of a friend of mine in California broke her femur at age 89. In this country, a patient can only have assisted living paid for by Medicare, if she is “making progress,” which she isn’t, as the break may never mend. My friend spends half her time with her mother (four hours away) bringing her food to eat and making sure she gets enough stimulation. The money will run out soon and my friend will
have to decide whether her mother’s health will ever improve enough so that she can go home. Otherwise, she is going to have to sell the house to pay the bills.
There is no support for families, each of which have to make their own difficult decisions without adequate information. It’s a travesty.
That’s terrible!
So sorry to hear of the poor care. Of course, some of the carers are poorly trained now in AU – online courses etc. and it is a ‘growth industry’, so offers employment opportunities in a scan market. This of course attracts people for the wrong reasons.
There is actually not much work in it these days (not in Qld, anyway). Hours are being cut left right and centre. Many very good people who do in-home care cannot cope with the driving and fast turn-arounds expected. Many of the best aged care home staff cannot afford to do it any more because they were on 35 ours a week previously and cut to half of that more recently. It is uncertain work, even for good and well-trained people. And, of course, there are a lot of back injuries. A lot of the really caring staff cannot physically do the jobs where lifting is required. In aged care facilities, there are also more machines/pulleys etc in use for high-care residents, which cannot be replicated at home. (Which is why, no matter how much we might want to care for our family in their own homes, it can become impossible.)
I understand what you’re saying. Though of course, hoists and equipment are available for homes – though they’re supposed to be operated by 2 people – not one. I thought that due to the ‘care packages’, there is an increase in in-home care.
Yes, two people are required.
Society has changed so much in 80 years. There are great differences in the expectations of each generation. People are living much longer, but often in frail and in mental decline. Perhaps we should plan for a goog death rather than lingering in pain for decades.i expect to die alone on my farm and no one will miss me for a week and no one will find me for 2.
I think Philip Nitschke would agree with you on that one, Peter. I am noticing it with my Dad. He’s been snatched back from death now from stroke, cancer, and six bouts of pneumonia; in his case he still wants to live and loves his companionship with my Mum, but his quality of life is meagre and I can imagine in different circumstances or with more pain, a person in Dad’s condition could well decide to choose a painless and autonomous death.
My brother was about to enter my late Dad’s room at his nursing home. He stopped and listened to Dad’s soliloquoy….”Is this how it ends? After everything….it ends like this?” He’d been a leading experimental psychologist in his prime…published in professional journals, had led research facilities, had been a senior research fellow at Monash University. He’d lost mobility and the use of his hands to arthritis and was physically helpless and beyond the ability of his children to look after at home.
It’s a relentlessly sad and painful process, and to end a brilliant life in a small room at a “facility”….leaves us sad and wracked with guilt.