pizzagram

Woman at the next table films her third slow sweep of the entire restaurant. I am stuffing long reins of mozzarella in my mouth. I wipe my face and go over.

‘Hi. So sorry to intrude. I just really don’t like being background scenery in your panoramic videos, I just want to eat my messy pizza without ending up on your Instagram. Could you please not do that?’ I have broken the fourth wall. She looks stunned. The couple at the next table roll their eyes and purse their mouths.

Everyone else in the room including half the waiters is staring down into their phones, apart from one man seated at a large table who has met my gaze and grinned sadly, as though we are the only two left awake. Suspending conversation in favour of objects is objectionable. Objecting to being rendered an object is human. It seems to me as we turn this corner we are normalising all the wrong things.