kindness of strangers

suicide: it’s the silence

suicide: it’s the silence
Written by Cathoel Jorss,

Every time somebody private or prominent dies by their hand, there is a rush of resentment, frustration and grief. Responses like this one begin to appear, many of them driven by the feeling I remember… People who care about people point out that those among us who are most sensitive, empathic, engaged, and gifted, who do the most good to humanity, are exactly the ones who most suffer from sadness and grief at the cruel state of things, from informed fear about our future, sometimes from the tendencies to depression and psychological disorders that can make self-murder seem like a life-saving relief. I know these feelings from my own history. I remember the frigid isolation of knowing there was no one I could make myself known to, who would listen and not judge, not dismiss or undermine or cover over or muscle in on my fears. When is our tipping point? How many bears on the ice? How many island nations with intricate shell currencies and hand-carved feathered cultures nowhere replaceable? How many languages, how many artists? How many species of feathered companions improbable, exquisite, helpless and lost? How many species of humans do we hand over to this convention of closedness, given that we each represent a wild, fresh, unknown, exotic, unprecedented breed, a new world of thought and invention and insight, a whole world of humanity written in one daft pinhead. How much diversity are we prepared to throw under the wheels of industrialised life before we wake up and embrace each other? I look into the heart of me, my beloved, my closest friends. Any one of us could have been lost to our own isolated sadness and guttered hope. In my mind these thoughts gather, forming a single phrase: the silence is killing me. How much more vivid bold planet do we junk before we really wonder where we are going to live? How many more sweating, cursing, loving, ridiculous and delicate people do we sacrifice to depression, anxiety, exhaustion, loneliness and plain sadness before we are willing to talk about one another’s pain?

14 comments on “suicide: it’s the silence

  1. Pardon me, Beth, did you actually read this?

    Cathoel Jorss August 12, 2014 at 11:50 am
  2. Then I guess I failed to make myself clear. I am not interested in defraying people’s sovereignty. But every one of the suicidal people I’ve been close to has been glad to make a different choice and partially enabled to do so by the openness of their friends to allowing and not judging their suffering. Death wasn’t what they really wanted, just the best option they could reach.

    Cathoel Jorss August 12, 2014 at 11:53 am
  3. Then, I repeat, what you read in my words is not what I meant by them. How can any living person know what death is? I mean: we know our lives. We end them sometimes because the pain is too much. That seems to me more an escaping than a turning towards.

    Cathoel Jorss August 12, 2014 at 12:47 pm
  4. I’m struggling with this at the moment, so to hear Robin Williams threw it in is really disturbing. i love what you have written. I go dark when I’m dark, and the silence is killing me. I get that, it really spoke to me on my current plane of existence. big love, Cathoel

    jennifer jackman August 12, 2014 at 3:16 pm
  5. Jennifer, don’t hurt yourself. Please don’t. The darkness can be so hard to bear. But you are not alone in there. Plenty of other good, thriving, insightful, valuable souls share this experience with you. Be kind and have mercy on yourself. I believe you have purpose here.

    Cathoel Jorss August 12, 2014 at 3:53 pm
  6. Both of you, all of us, have purpose here. We matter to others – we matter to ourselves. You matter to me. So does this website where we are privileged to hear you noising the deadly silence.
    Jen, sorry you’re darkened – big love to you!
    Cathoel, this post is by far the best comment generated by the current tragedy I’ve seen…thank you so much. <3

    Alison August 12, 2014 at 8:20 pm

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