long-legged rock god

At rehearsal with a Ghanaian band for whom it is imperative to have two different drummers side by side. There are three brass horn players and I have counted four different patterns of stenciled colour ...read more

no to the no

Imagine that. Imagine claiming a whole vast and fast continent was empty, naming it Terra Nullius. The land of nothing. Imagine thinking you could fill it up with people you had no use for, people ...read more

disembowelled

For weeks after the diagnosis I was still having episodes of shock as deep as flashbacks, every single day. Every day at some point I went into a dazzled fugue of confusion and horror, while ...read more

a man of mouse

In a cafe where I write, the staff are terrifically grumpy. One sometimes meets me with a finger propped under her chin, tipping her head: Is it almond milk? Soy? I say, It’s the honey ...read more

neither warmth nor depth

I woke up strapped to the bed by six different apparatus. The last thing I remember is the surgeon greeting me at the swing doors, ‘Welcome to Theatre,” and I said, “Oh! How gracious,’ then, ...read more

wait what

When I got there the doctor said, "You know when we call you in at seven in the morning it's not good." She had called me in at 7.15am on Friday to give this news. ...read more

moon made of ice cream

I showed up at the supermarket checkout at closing time with a tub of ice cream. She said, "How are we this evening," and I said, "Well, I can't speak for you, but I'm fine!" ...read more

the men who hate women

Hi Callum! Good morning I'd like to ask your advice as I don't know now what to do with my free trial. Can we suspend it? Can I apply it to a different training group? ...read more

sopa, so good

'Hello, Department of Pumpkin Soup? I've just reinvented the form and I thought you ought to know. What? Oh, ginger, smoked paprika, cumin, cinnamon... Cinnamon. Yes. And some apples. Hard green apples, but I baked ...read more